He,Me and everything inbetween
by writingisme13
Summary: We all are faced with the emotional rollacoster of life,but Amy seems to be dealt the wrong hand of cards up until she meets someone new and oddly different. Watch Amy as she falls in and out of her chair while dealing with depression,love and death
1. Chapter 1

Soft hands stroke my head as i began to stir from dreams of my -blonde hair over grew the midnight locks. tanned skin paled to a glistening white and brown eyes turned to blue.

" Jack," i whispered as i slipped my eyes open just a slit.i hoped for the endless brown eyes of my dead julian but longed for the crystal blues of my lively jack.

" you were crying, i thought you were having a nightmare. i came to protect you." he said with a small smile curling his pink lips.

"thank you,jack. it wasnt a nightmare just memories. long lost memories." i trailed off, closing my eyes as jack kissed a trail from the crown of my head to my cheek. i smiled and let myself sleep again. i vaguely heard him whisper an i love you in my ear.

"love you too,j" i felt a tug in my brain ,with a train of thought that wondered was the j for jack or for julian...


	2. Chapter 2

I wake with a start as the sun kissses my nose. I hiss in disgust as I realize what it is. How dare the sun think that it can touch me after all it had done to me.

Then I felt a chill extenguish the flame of sun.I smiled. Knowing exactly who it was.

"Jack," I whispered,patting the bed searching from him.

Nothing,

"Jack?" I asked,opening my eyes to look for him.

I found him sitting on the window seal.

"What's the matter?" I asked him,trying to detangle myself from the pile of blankets that I'd usued last night.

"Do you miss him?" Jack whispered as he peek out through the drapes.

I paused in my struggle. Only for a second,but he noticed.

"Miss who?" I asked,finally managing to peel of one layer.

"Don't play with me,Amy." He said,turning completely away. I yanked at the blankets,and watched in awe as they fell away.

I stood up and straightened up my sleeping boxers. I waddled over to Jack,trying to not touch the cold floor too much. I wrapped my arms around Jack.

"J,look at me." I said softly in his ears.I felt his shoulders relax then tense up. He grunted at having me so close to him." Jack,I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that you are the only guy in my life. His been gone for 3 years now. My life with him is over. Your my life now." I sobbed.I tried to wipe the tears away before he could see them. But my efforts were in vain.

"Amy," he sighed,pulling me toward him.

"I'm sorry. I do.I miss him. He was my husband. I loved him. But," I move just barely away from him." I love you now." I said,smiling at him. I pulled my hands away from his chest and put them on his face.

"Oh,yeah?Prove it?" He said smiling as he leaned against my hand. I smiled back at him,bring my face to his and letting our lips meet. The kiss started out sweet,innocent really,but then all my bottled up emotions transfered into passion. Every angry thought become one of love. I let every shed tear become a taste of my tongue in his aching moment of pain became a stroking of his body.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked as I removed his shirt from his troso.

"Am I ever?" I asked as I ripped off my own tank top.

Jack smiled in agreement. He ran his hands up and down the straps of my bra in a sort of teasing gesture.

I made a point of doing the same as I unzipped his pants.

Finally Jack gave in and undid my bra.

He whisperd a prayer.

I laughed,tugging at his boxers.

He joined in removing them for me then,proceeding to remove mine.

He raised an eyebrow at the absence of underwear but did dwell on it.

"Are you ready for this,J?" I asked him as I lead him to my bed.

"I've waited for most of my existance to be with someone as breathe taking as you." He said,making a point of looking into my eyes.

There was a blush painted on his cheeks,though I imagine that was because I was standing on my bed with my loveliness just level with his.

He wanted me. No suprise there.

We'd been together quite sometime,to have never slept together.

"Aww,that's cute Frost but you seem to be all talk to me." I say,swing my hips.

"You just wait,Amy." He warns bring me to him.

"I think I've waited long enough." I say,letting myself in.

"Aint that the truth," he breathes as he claims me.

As soon as we start I begin to realize,it was me who was all talk because now as Jack's hands squeeze me I don't see him,but Julian.

I feel Juian squeezing my breast in his lovely hands,I feel him rubbing my legs,I feel his hands in my hair...

Midnight black turns to Springs first snow.

Brown eyes to there blue.

Could it be?

Am I in love with a dead man?

Or is the simple fact that I'm sleeping with another man again,in the exact same spot that I had the last time,I'd seen my husband.

Is it only because of the day?

Is it?


	3. Chapter 3

I open my eyes to pure darkness. I sigh in relife. No burning sun,it was just a dream.

Yeah,a dream.

A dream about...

Sex with Jack?

Did I really dream of comparing jack to julian?

Right as I began to ponder this,I see a slight movement.

"Jack? Is that you? What are you doing?" I ask climbing out of my bed.

Slowly my eyes adjust.

Dark hair. Like midnight.

Tan skin

Tall frame.

"Julian?" I ask,stumbling back into a nightstand.

He turned.

His eyes were as radiant as ever.

"But your dead," I whispered,still shoving away from him.

"Amy?" Jack called from behind the door. Julian's eyes widen before he moved furture into the shadows and disappered.

I stared mouth agap. Had I seen a ghost?

"Amy! What happened?" Jack said as he came in and took in the nightstand and lamp.

I didn't realize until then that the lamp was broken. Or that it had cut me.

"Oh Amy." Jack said, I cringed at how much it sounded like my dream.

"Ill clean you don't you just lay down?" He suggested and motioned me toward it.

He left the room for the first aid kit we held handy;I was prone to getting hurt.

I stared at the corner. Hed been there. He was alive. He was in my house!our house. He knows there's another man in my life. Did he already know?Is that why he didn't try to say anything to me?

"Let me see,baby." Jack said as he reentered the room.

I streached out my arm.

" This is some horrific damage. You might need stiches." Wouldn't be the first time...

Glass and wooden make me hurt,but words they seem no better.

That was a part of a poem I wrote at the hospital when I got the stiches in my head from the coffee table.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never serve me.

Arm brace after 'falling'down 3 flights of stairs.

And my personal favorite...

Love is like a river,babble as it may,its the current that wipes you away.

Almost Drowned,after falling out of a window from the 15th floor. If that wasn't enough the current swept my 1000 miles away from where I fell from.

I was in a coma before we even got to the hopsital.

Yeah,my julian,he was something else but he loved me. And I love him.


	4. Chapter 4

ok,so I'm almost done with the next chapter and I'd like to say my thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope to hear more. And please if this pr any chapter confuses you feel free to PM me,I'm always open :) thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

"She's going to be alright,Mate." spoke a male voice.

"Where exactly did you find her,Jack?" Came a soft femaine voice. Soothing.

"well," Then I recongize the closed eyes flew open, These people Didnt need to know about my ugly past.

" Your awake!" Jack shouted as he knelt beside me.

4 other eyes meet mine. 3 i could see. A big russian,a little fairy lady and a rabit. But I couldn't fine the 4th pair.

Then a flicker caught my eye. I looked for what had moved and found nothing. Jack followed my gaze and saw something i Didn't because his shoulders tensed and he hissed the word Pitch. The second the word was out, Jacks companions all jumped in to action and I watched as the fourth pair of eyes appeared. "Julian" I whimpered.

Or I thought I did. I watched as they all lunge for him. There's a look of shock on julians face. I attempt to move infront of julian, but I couldn't. Try as I may I was looked in place. I saw a look of hurt pass through his eyes then as look of confusion took its place as he side stepped the bunny as he charged at him with a boomerange in hand.

A harsh laugh escaped Julian, I'd heard this laugh before. But not from a julian with that level of emotion in his that laugh only came to play when the drugs and liquior began to hit.

I watched as julian disapeared into a black sand.

I watched in awe. How could he do that? Hell how could he even be alive? I'd just waken on the day he died! Which reminds me; Where the hell am I? The bunny, fairy lady, big russian and jack all slowly made their way to me. They did so in such a slow manner that I swear my head almost exploded.

"Sweetie," Jack said as he kneeled before me.

I tried with all my might to move my lips. Jack seemed to notice the fustration in my eyes because he smiled.

"Don't strain yourself, the meds must not have worn off yet?" I watched as jack looked behind him to the trio that was scampering around.

Jack smiled again. I love his smile, I realized.

Jack moved to my side and sat. He gentely wrapped his arm around me. I slowly managed to put my head on his shoulder with a little help from jack.

"While we wait for the medication to wear off ill explain everything. Starting with the people here. The big guy over ther," He nodded to the russian with that big fluffy beard, he kinda looks like..." He's santa claus, but we call him North." Santa Claus. I'm must be dreaming again!Jack saw the disbelieve flash through chuckled then hollered at the big man,

" Hey,North!" He lifted his head and smiled. He bound over. I felt a slight rumble under us.

"Amy,is it?" He said,once he was right in front of us.

I felt my mouth fall open.

Jack and North laughed at me in unison.

"Looks like Sand's little magic spell is wearing off." North said.

"It is," Jack agreed.

"So,North. Amy here doesn't seem to believe me that you are who I say u are." I like the sass in Jack's voice. He knows that because he squeezed me close to him. Now this is the real Jack. Sweet,innocent and...a little boring.

"She doesn't?" He said with a rumble of a laugh that may or may not have sounded a little like Ho Ho Ho!

"Well maybe this will prove it." Said the fairy lady.

She pulled out a thin tube,and grabbed my hand moving my fingures to be over certain spots on the tube. Then I was instantly tranformed.

"Mommy!" I woke screaming. My little night gown. The little pink flowers faded from wear. That's what happes when you live in an orphange with barly enough food for one meal a day.

"Oh,shut up already!" Yelled the girl above me." She's not coming back for you,so just face it." She she was right. That was when I finally gave up on my mother ever coming back for me.

I was 10 at the time. I'd spent half my life in an orphange.I'd seen many things,but never were they happy.

Until that day.

That day I'd had a tooth come out and one of the younger girls had insisted that I put it under my pillow. I did. And good thing I did because other wise I'd have absoultely no hope. I'd have nevee seen the tooth fairy.

Or santa claus later that year, or the eatser bunny the next...

My eyes flew open. A smile on my face.

"Its really you!" I squealed bounding into North's waiting arms.

"Well we know the meds or through," Jack laughed,climbing to his feet. I released North, and he passed me to the tooth fairy.

" I can't believe I'm meeting the real tooth fairy!" I squealed again.

"Oh,Amy!call me Tooth!" She said tapping my nose.

" Doesn't the Easter Bunny get any love?" The bunny said. I squealed again and ran at him. He laughed as I collided with him.

I released my grip but reached out and stroked his fur once more.

"Its so soft," I said in awe.

He laughed again.

"Amy, I want to introduce you to Sandy. He maybe the only one of us you've never seen. But being as your sleeping by the time he comes around I guess it makes sense."Jack said, intertwining his fingers with mine and redirecting me. He lead me to a new room where a small man made of what looked like sand was floating.

"The sandman," I whispered. He turned at his name and a question mark appeared over his head.

"Sand, this is Amy." Jack introduced. Sandy smiled at me and floated over, he took my hand in his and gave it a pat.

Soon my mind was filled with images of medows, Jacks smile and rain.

My eyes open and widen to the size of a watermelon.

Sandy looked pleased.

"Sand, we have to meet. We need rto talk about what just happened," Jack said,his voice hardened. Sand nodded and followed us back to a room where a giant globe was. I hadn't noticed the globe before but I know this was the same room.

.Pitch.

The word was bouncing off the wall.

Who was Pitch?

And why were they talking about him, if he were talking about what just happened with Julian?


	6. Chapter 6

"Who the hell is Pitch?!" I screamed after listening for 5 silent minutes.

Everyone glansted at me then turned to look at Jack.

Jack made a face before taking my hand.

"Remeber that guy that was here?" He said softly, as if I were a young child too naïve to understand the horrors of our truly cruel world.

"Yeah,Julian," I exhaled. Jack nodded with the yes,but then registered the Julian.

"You mean Pitch...?" Tooth asked,her face scrunched in confusion.

I shake my head,still looking into jacks eyes. Hed turned into ope of the ice sculptures he used to make for me...

"Jack I love it!" I squeled as I take in the details of the icy rose,hed carved.

I marveled at it wondering how such tiny details could be carved into something as fragile as ice.

At that time I hadn't known about Jack's control over ice but I did know there was something different about him. I always have...

"You,know what Jack?!" I screamed throughing the orange rose hed given to me,at his face.

Jack stared at me in pure confusion,

"Do you know what an orang rose means?huh,do ya?" I ask my hands placed firmly on my hips.

I watch as he nodds numbly.

"An orange rose symbolizes passion,desire," Jack says,his voice a rumble.

"You know what passion and desire is baased off of?Honesty. Its based off of honesty and u haven't been honest with me. If this relationship between me,you, and ur Wittle secrects then fine!"

I say furiously turning beganing to pace around the room away from Jack.

"Amis, Amy. Amilia Zade!" He yelle,his hands cupped over his mouth.

I turn around,

"Amy,what are you talking about?!" Jack asks,walking quickly to me.

I wirl in up my hands.

"All of it jack! The sneak off while I sleep, the way u can make it ice cold even when its the middle of summer,all of it jack." I say my eyes beganing to tear as I turn slightly to him then quickly away.

"Amis,I'm sorry." He says putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Its. I don't know. I don't even know what to do, your like my own personal frosty the snowman," I whisper as he brings me to him. My tears running down my cheeks and onto his blue shirt.

"Oh, that makes me feel great as a man, Being compared to a snowman." He chuckles in my ear. I sniffle.

"What are you," I whisper into him.

"I'm a guardian; I'm Jack Frost." He says laying a kiss on my crown of my head.

I look up at him.

"What?" I asked.

And that's how I found out about the guardians and Jack.

I always was a persistant one.

"Amy," Jack said,pulling me out of the memory lane drive.

"Jack?" I asked, blinking my eyes trying to ajust them.

"Did he really...?" Jack started but he didn't need to finish for me to know.

"Yes, but your sure that was Pitch? Whomever that is." I say, making sure to make my irration of not knowing who he wa, noticable.

"Absouletly."Jack said, a lock of worry spelled across his face.

I feel my mouth go dry and my jaw slacken.

Julian was dead. Truly and completely died.

Because I made him that way.


	7. Chapter 7

My hands began to tremble. My mind drifting to that day. That hell forsaken day...

"Amy! You little whore,where are?" Julian yelled,I could smell the liquor he'd drunk from my hidding spot. I was in the closet across the room,there was no way hed find me...

"Amy? " He called. He sounded almost sober. Could I have been wrong? "Amy? Come out. I won't hurt you." I moved to come out. But then he tripped over the coffee table that was right infront of him.

"Mother fucker!" He shouted, falling head first. He hit it hard. I thought about helping him,but he moaned and turned. I caught a glimpse of his eyes. There usual dark brown were blood shot and darkened to the color of coal. There was red surrounding them.

He was drunk and high. No way was I going out there. I held my breathe as his eyes fell on the closet.

He moaned and scrambled to his feet. At first he headed toward me but then something caught his eyes,leading him in a different direction, I heaved a silent sigh of relief.

I'd began to settle in for a long night in the closet when my cell rang

"Shit," I hissed,scrambling for it.

" What the hell?" I heard Julian say from the bathroom.

I whimpered,my hands shaking as I search for it.

I finally found ir. I rejected it,hittng the button so hard, my finger groaned.

But Julian was smart, even in this state.

He found me quickly, a smirk from ear to ear presenting itself the instant he showed up.

"Did you think you could hid forever,little whore?" He asked, picking me up by the hair.

I closed my eyes but made no noise.

"Well,my little rabbit, you were wrong. And now you must pay the consequences."He said,releasing my hair.

I stumbled backward.

"Go. Run. " He hissed. I moved backwards again,keeping my eyes on him. He laughed and ran at me.

I dodged him,but just barely.

He ran at me again. This time I wasn't as fast.

He backed me up against the window.

"Nice try,my little sluty rabbit!" He mumbled against my neck as he bite into me. I pushed furture against the frosted glass of the window.

"No," I mumbled.

"No?" He asked pulling out his pocket knife.

I watched in fear as he dragged the knife over his tongue,licking the sides,then tracing my cheek bones with it. Softly,so not to draw blood.

Then he ran the tip down the side of my cheek to my chin. He was soft but grew hard as he tipped up my chin with his index finger and contuied to run his knife down the side of my neck.

He paused at the collar of my shirt. I was in a thick purple sweater. The collar was high so it wouldn't provoce Julian in any way.

"Since when do you wear such modest clothes,slut?" He asked, his head cocked to the side. His eyes curious.

"Well we can fix that." He says,adding just enough pressure to rip away my shirt.

He plays with the opening he made down the middle of me before ripping it away and throughing it on the ground.

"Ahh,that's better." He says,staring at me. I resist the urge to cover my black bra,knowing this monsturous perasite that is inhabiting my husbands body was no right to see me in such intmate ways but hell kill me if he was to.

He examines me for a second more,before proclaiming "I want to see more!"

He quickly snapps the thin middle of my bra with his knife. He reaches for the straps to move them off me,but I scream 'no!' And side step him

He stumbles forward and cuts his hand in an attempt to catch himself.

"You little bitch," He says lapping away the blood from his hand. He lunges for me, the knife forgot on the floor exactly where he dropped it.

I quickly switch spots with him.

He lunges again,but I duck.

I duck and he goes flying out of our 8th floor window.

He never lunges again,

"Amy?Amy?!" Jacks voices rings through the memories.

"Amy,what's going on?" Tooth asks,her tiny hands on my shoulder.

"I killed him. His really dead." I whisper.

I see everyone shift away from me.

They all quickly assemble.

I hear the words change,Julian,pitch,same, all jumbked up in the yelling but i am so lost in my own gulit that it all means nothing until much after.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ok,god damn it! Is he or is he not? The suspence is not good for this migraine." I say as I tap my head.

Jack gets a twitch of a half smile that lasted only a second.

His face cleared into a serious face.

"Your right. Absouletly and completely right. And well," he looked behind him to confirm.

"We think that there's a POSSIBITITY that Pitch and Julian are the same person," Bunny said,he was avoiding my eyes. So was everyone else,except for Jack. Jack was staring at me like he was excepting me to... Actually I don't know what he was expecting from me. Hell I didn't even know what I was expecting me to do.

I just sat there. And Jack sat there with all sat there.

We sat there until we heard a crash. We all jumped,everyone was armed besides me. I hated hidding behind Jack like some coward but I did.

We all waited for the attack. Completely expecting it. But nothing happened.

Everyone sighed in relief. I could still feel the tension in the air as Jack showed me to my room. He stayed with me until I feel asleep like he always does.

I slept until I heard a tapping at my was a sound I recongized. My julian.

I went over and locked the door.

I peered out and was meet with the brownest eyes I've ever seen, the brownest eyes that could be are my eyes. The ones that aren't bloodshot or red.

"Hey,baby. I guess we need to talk," He said through the window he sounded like him. I smiled, tears escaping again.

"No shit," I said, lifting the window open.

He helpded me out like the gentlemen he was.

"Shall we?" He asked,with his arm out. I laughed at the old gesture.

"We shall. " I said taking his arm.


	9. Chapter 9 Part 1

Author Note: This part the Action is in part two, and this one may seem a lil drwn out and boring but I recommend reading it so u understand he realationship had. I promise part 2 will be up really soon. Ps. Please review, all comments are appricatled! Thank you to everyone who was, you support means a lot!

* * *

I could feel his laughter deep in his chest as he laughed. I closed my eyes and pressed my ear closer to his chest.

"God, I missed you." He says, giving my crown a kiss.

" And I you," I say, I could feel tears welling in my eyes. The sting in my throat becoming strong.

"What's wrong?" He knew that tone.

"I love you, you know that right?" I say dodging the question as best I could.

"And I u. What's going on?" He asked,pushing aside the hair that was shield my eyes.

"Oh,Baby girl don't cry. Every things alright." He said,stroking my hair.

"No its not! I fuckin' killed you." I yell into his shoulder. Squeezing as close to him as I could. I felt him stiffen but only for a second.

"We needed to talk about this at one point I guess." He sighed.

"Mon Amour, look at me." I peeked. I was intrigued by the old nickname...

"Mon Amour,come look at this!" Julian calls to me.

I get off the couch,pausing the TV before hand.

"Hey what does that mean again?" I say as I put my arms on th back of the chair in which he sat.

He twisted just a little to see me," Mon Amour is my love in french,babe." He winked then gestured to the black laptop with the black veil brides symbol on the back. "Look at this. What do you think?" I could see the enthusiasm in his bright chocolate brown eyes. I could feel the blush in my cheeks. That look meant that either hed written something or he composed something.

"So what's on the agenda, Mon Amir?" I ask, looking closing.

"Mon Amour,honey." He said smiling at me. I felt my cheeks darken. I love his smile.

'You've got a smile that can light up this whole town,' Taylor Swift was on to something. Must of seen Julian.

"Right."

We stared at each other for sometime. We had a conversation, with that little staring contest.

More of an argument,really. over whether or not we should give the bedroom.

"Well, its a song actually."

"Mhm." I murmur,leaning forward to read it.

You are my all. You are my soul. You make me want to be everything I can be.

I only got that far before he whispered ' ah screw it!' And grabbed my face in his and pulled me into a long kiss.

He pushed me away, his eyes telling me to wait a second.

He de-tangled himself from the chair and the cords at his feet.

I watched,laughing as he tried to move quickly but only made things worse. He blushed madly at the speed of his actions.

I was still laughing when he picked me up bridal style and carried me to our new bedroom,in our brand new home.

He would've proposed that had I not accidentally distracted him.

It took him 3 weeks of trying to actually manage to really propose. He tired to get me to read the song with the propose 4 different times before deeming it a lost cause and moving on. He tried every possible way. Everyone failed, even the sky writers, firework show display and the big screen proposals. Two out of 3 of those was ruined by me vomiting,the other by my aunt calling to tell me about the death of my great aunt. None of those were that helpful to that cause.

Finally,he managed it. The good old fashion way. Except for the part where he kneeled down center stage of an Evanescence concert. i remember jumping on him and us both falling and getting a lot oh 'aww's.

I smiled at the memory. Tears still slipping fast. I stared into his eyes the same way I did that night he first tried to propose...


	10. Chapter 10

" We needed to talk about this sooner or later," He sighed. He looked into my eyes for a second then scanned our surroundings. "For a very long time I wasn't myself, and I mean that literally." He racked his hand through his hair. Looking me in the eyes to try and confirm that I was listening.

"I was taken over by Pitch. It went from every other month to every month until finally he just never went away. I became a passenger in my own body. Soon my soul just drifted off to wherever souls go .But that night, " He took a deep breathe before he continued.

"That night, something brought me back to my body. I still couldn't do anything,but I tried with all my might to at least slow him down. To slow me down. You had every right to do what you did. He had plans to rape you. Though I'm pretty sure he'd had those plans long before. I'm sure he would've killed you if you hadn't beat him to the punch," he half smiled, in a failed attempt to comfort me. He sighed again seeing he was getting no where.

"You didn't kill me. You killed Pitch. He was evil. Don't feel bad. You brought me back. You brought me to you. Now we can be together forever."

Together forever. I liked the sound of that. I exhaled the breathe I'd been unknowingly holding.

I leaned my head against his chest and listened to his heart beat as he began to sing to me.

He sang like an angel. Like the first gift of sound to the ears of a human, so pure and rich it seemed impossible. Like the first touch of rain in a drought.

Julian sang every song he could think of.

He began with Evanescence,knowing I liked so much of that. He then trailed into 3 day grace,Breaking Benjamin, and a bit of Paramore before hitting up Black Veil Brides. Soon those melted away to reveal songs of his own making.

I didn't realize I was dreaming until I was already in my dress,running to Julian, who stood before a sunset over the ocean.

It was our wedding.

We'd had a ceremony, on the beach from Twilight to the second it grew so dark that even the moon could not guide.

Our ceremony ended with the releasing of lanterns into the water.

Our reception was much more extravagant.

We started the party without an introduction as man and wife.

Instead we came in to the song Broken.

As the ceremony ended we separated so we could change into our 'married' attired.

The reception was to be a mascarde ball .

I switched out of my slim,white wedding gown and into my puffy black one.

My brides mates stayed in the same deep blue dress, but added a mask. Everyone of my 6 brides mates had different masks.

I smiled at each of them.

I feel my best friends each clamps one of my shoulders.

"Hey,girly. " Says Sarah in my left ear.

"Ready for your honeymoon," Arri purred in the other.

I laughed.

"You bet, but we still have a party to get to before that." I say, letting the tow me away.

I could hear my other friends laughing and chatting behind me. I smiled. Everything was perfect.

We moved forward as the song began.

We watched the guys move around the tent that was in place. They moved around searching for their other half. We waited until Amy Lee entered the song, then came in to greet our soul mates. I stood rooted 2 feet from the entrance watching as my six sisters gracefully danced in circles around the grooms men,

I watched in amusement as Jessica chased after her boyfriend like a cat after its prey .Jess was the only one of my brides mates who wasn't married,but I guess with all the men who were pursuing her,why would she? Jessica never lasted more then 2 months with a guy, meaning that she never got close to them.

With this guy,though, she seemed... Happy. She seemed to be more relaxed. It had been years since I'd seen her so happy.

I turned away,smiling. Right as I did,Julian finally reached me.

"How's it feel to be married?" He asked,pulling toward him. I cross my arms at the back of his neck.

"Liberating," I say as the song changes to my song of choose. I flow backward as Tourniquet begins to flow to my ears. I love how edgy it feels. I can feel the vibrations in my chest .It was a welcome sensation.

I through back my head, loving how as I do so wind came in and greeted my outstretched arm. I could feel the wind playing with the black satin ribbons connecting my dress to my arms .I heard gasps as my hair lifted and I begin to let myself sink. I heard even Julian gasp,despite all the practice we have for this part of the dance. I swing forward at the last second and leap into the air, then land softly. Or so I thought. It turns out Right after I leaped,Julian decided to surprise me by holding me up in the air and allowing my ribbons to flow in the air before lowering me. The second my feet hit the floor,Julians song choice began. I laughed,because we'd kept his song choice a secret, not even I was allowed to know. Julian and the DJ were the only ones who knew. I could've found out,of course but what fun would that have been? So I'm laughing as Julian makes all these faces at me. I can feel the confusion in the air around us;Not many of our guest knew the history we had with this song...

"How can I have known you this long and never have heard you sing?" Julian asks, as I open the door to my bathroom. I chock back a scream, because I know its just Julian, and he would never hurt me.

I could fell a shy blush creep on to my cheeks. "Well I didn't want to scare you away," I whispered, a nervous smile gracing my lips.

I hear J chuckle then feel it as he brings my head to his chest. I smile, I can hear his heart.

"You could never scare me away, Not with a voice like that," He sighs into my hair. He nuzzles my hair and I feel my heart melting.

" Want to know what's funny?" He asks, with his head still against my own.

"What?" I sigh,tightening my grip around his waist.

"When we were younger,before we started dating I used to sing that song when I was thinking about you," I pulled me closer. I heard his heart skip a beat as a laugh tumbled out of my mouth.

"You know what's even funnier?" I asked, pulling my head away so I could look into his beautiful brown eyes.

"What?" He smiled, I loved how his eyes sparkled when he smiled at me.

" I used to do the exact same thing," I whispered in his ear.

That day we silently agreed that that would be our new song.

Paralyzer by Finger 11.

I chocked back my laughter and take up a mask of blissful seriousness. I try to walk past Julian with my chin held high.

I haven't even made it past me before he grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I could feel a blush tickle my cheeks, our bodies are flushed against each other, and even with though all of layers , I knew he wants me. He knew I wanted him too. He quickly brought my lips to his and we let our passion be consumed in this kiss. My hands gripped his hair, his pulling at mine too. I could feel the passion growing. There was a series of cleared throats and hoots before either of us realized we were making a scene.

We laughed and allowed or hands to be. The only thing left connected.

"Now, The groom has something- or rather - someone hed like the bride to see!". The DJ said through the mike. I looked up at Julian, my eyes questioning.

I watched as a women came a round the corner with a stuffed hippo.

"Ohh! You brought Mr. J! Now we can really be married,since we needed my first husband's honors for this to all be truly real. " I smile, and tip toe and kiss Julian.

"There's one more surprise," he whispered, and I turned.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I squeal running at my close friend,Jasmine.

Jasmine had moved to India a few years back and she and I had lost touch.

"How did you find her,"I asked Julian, with my arm still wrapped tightly around her small waist.

She laughed,"He was very persuasive," She laugh was like bells. I smiled like the sun had finally come out after years of rain. Which in a sense it had. Jasmine was a ray of sunshine from my past, even when she wasn't around me her emails could lighten me during even my darkest depressions.

"I meet her when I visited India a few years back. She and I stayed in touch, and I remembering seeing that picture of her when we were Packing up your place, I recognized her and called her up. I asked if she knew who You were and she was so excited when she said she did. She said that she was moving back, sooo, I decided I'd arrange for her to be here," He shot me one of those half smiles of his. I smiled and ran at him. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU" I said as I ran. I kinda tackled him, dropping us to the floor. Our kiss, became so much like the first that this time Jasmine had to come stop us.

We separated laughing. I motioned for our bridal party to come forward.

"I'd like to have around of applause for my lovely bridal party." I said, smiling and waving at them to bow.

I laughed as a Stage frightened Keke,bowed. It was funny to see her hands shaking in side of Julian's brothers. He looked so confident. I watched as they shared a look. I Was struck by awe as Keke's back straightened and all her confidence bloomed. I smiled and tightened my hand in Julian's.

It warms my heart to see my friends so happy. Especially Jordan and Keke, They went through Hell to finally become married. When Jordan and Julian's family first meet Keke, they loved her. But then they found out her age. Keke is only a year and a half older. I thought it was a really stupid reason to stop them from being wed when they love each other so much, which is why I gave them my blessing when they decided to elope. I even offered to drive. them, but they said they wanted to do this alone. I honored there wishes. Julian was on there fence with this entire problem; He knew how much they loved each other but he thought that maybe his parent s had a reason that he didn't know about yet.

My objection was that hed known Keke longer then even I had, so he knew she wouldn't hurt him. I'm more worried about him Hurting her especially since , like Jessica,he was many followers. But with that look of love, I could imagine them being apart.

I finally took my eyes away from them and glanced over at Cecily and her husband. I had actually gotten to know Cecisly's husband but I did know how happy he made her.

I smiled at them and moved along to Haley and her husband Trevor. They had been happily married since the day after we graduated. Literally the day after,but they also have been dating since before I meet Haley years ago.

I closed my eyes trying to fight the tears I could feel building in my eyes.

I looked to my left where my two matrons of honor stood.I laughed inspite of my self at the sight of Arris red blushing face. Connecting to Ryan with his confident Smile. It was hard to believe that she made him nervous with a smile like that. He dipped her backward and reveled James and sarsh, there hands clucked together as they stared intensely into each others eyes. Sarshs eyes felt mine watching and looked to me. The second our eyes meet, my gripp on Julian tightened and I felt myself falling and the world morphing.


	11. Chapter 11

"Where in hells name am I?" I asked doing a 360, in a futile attempt to locate myself.

"Why the fuck am I wearing this horrid dress?" I asked, pulling at the ugly old pink dress. I hadn't seen it in years, I'd burned the damn thing.

" Its not ugly. I actually liked that dress on you. Its a damn shame you burned it." Sarah said. My head snapped up at the sound of her voice. My mind instantly ran back to feeling her fall. Knowing something was wrong.

"Sarah! What the hell happened?" I asked grabbing her and pulling into a hug.

" I felt my shoulder grow cold from the tears that fell out of her eyes. I could feel her shoulders moving as she cried.

"Honey? Please! What's wrong?" I asked pulling her away just enough that I could see her face.

Her pale face and honey eyes were red from the sensation of tears and frustration. I could see the dark circles under her eyes. I had seen circles like that under her eyes since James had finally moved in with her. When her nightmares when away and she stopped hanging out with those people.

When she finally realized that despite loving her best friend she loved James more. She realized that what she needed to be happy was to get away from them.

And she did. Her and James moved to a different part of the country. Moved out to the great grassy planes of Texas. They got a quaint little house with land to through up into the air. I was excited for them, especially the first time Julian and I drove down there and saw how happy they were.

It was an amazing opportunity for he and I to spend quality time. Together especially with that new tidbit wed just gathered.

" What are we gonna do? How are we gonna tell them?" Julian asked as we pulled into the long drive to Sarah's new place.

"Well I'm gonna say, 'sarah, julian knocked me up!' Then James is gonna say 'what?!' And hell sock you in the nose." I say,straight faced. I watch as he's eyes fill with horro. I laugh, " Ju, Ju." I say grabbing his face in mind.

"Hon, look at me." I say,rubbing my thumbs along his cheek bones. I could feel the warmth rise in his cheeks and then his face relax into my hands.

I feel his big brown eyes shine when he looks into mine.

"I love you. And you love me don't you?" I ask, still holding him.

"I do. So much. And I love this baby too." He says, letting his hand fall to my stomach.

I smile, I lean forward to kiss him.

As soon as our lips touch a sensation of pure bliss rests on my lips.

"Hey!" Sarah says as she bangs lightly as the window on my side of the car.

"Get a room!" James laughs on Julians side.

"Don't give them any ideas!" Sarah shouts, with a smile.

I laugh and pull away from him.

I open my door and let Sarah collapse onto my lap.

She hugged me so tight I swear my spine nearly broke.

When she finally let go another bear hug was issued. James' hug wasn't nearly as life threatening as Sarah's yet still it was strong and warmed me.

When they finally let go of me, they both did this little thing where they stared down Julian, I could feel him shrinking down in his seat.

"Oh,your gonna scare him!" I laughed swatting at them both. They stopped.

"What?!" They said in unison.

"Your staring at him the same way my parents did when they first meet him. Hell maybe even more intensely!" I laugh and pull myself out of the car.

I wowed at how beautiful it was.

Then I took off straight for the matching rocking chairs.

"Oh my gorsh! Do you guys actually use these?!" I say,dropping into one.

James chuckles from where he stood with his arm around Sarah's waist.

"Yeah, a lot actually." Sarah rested her head on his shoulder and looking up lovingly at him.

"We'll probably be using it a lot more now then ever with the baby coming," sarah sighed as she and James put there hands on the tiny buldge in her stomach.

"Your going to have a baby?" I asked, my own stomach dropping.

I see the glow on there faces. I turned to look over at Julian. He knew what I was thinking.

We could possibly ruin there moment with our own news.

This was 3 months before our wedding.

I lost the baby 2 months later.

Sarah lost hers 2 weeks before that.

Sarah never even found out about our baby.

We were both terribly depressed the week before my wedding.

But luck for us we were both fortunate enough to be with wonderful mean and have wonderful friends.

Without Arri's help neither of us would even be alive.

"Oh Sarah, What's happening to us." I sigh bringing her closer to me.

"Amy, I love him. I love James. But I've failed him." She said into my shoulder.

"No, you didn't. All he ever wanted was for you to love him. And that is what you've done." I said patting her shoulder as she weeped into me.

We sank to the floor and we stayed in the same position as before until we finally feel asleep.

"She's waking up..." I heard my Julian say.

I smiled.

I let my eyes open and there he was.

It took me only seconds to realize Sarah wasn't on my shoulder.

"Where is she? Where is Sarah?" I asked scrambling to get out of bed.

My hospital bed?

I saw something flash in Julians eyes.

Then James spoke up from where hed been leaning against the wall.

"She's died,Amy."


	12. Chapter 12

"Your joking! I just spoke with her. She just fell asleep on my shoulder. Your lying!" I screamed, my voice escalating with each syllable.

I could hear the sound of my heart rate monitor going bazerk with the rapid increase in my heart rate.

"Honey. Honey,calm down. Yelling at James isn't going to bring her back." Julian cooed, enveloping me in his big warm arms.

I lasted all of two seconds before I broke into an overwhelming fit of tears. I knew James wouldn't lie to me, especially about something like this. Something about Sarah. About. Sarah DYING.

" She can't be gone." I sobbed into Julian. He was my only anchor to reality. I wanted to back in time and spend more time with my best friend. She and I had been distant for years, despite us having been around each other for years. Nearing 14 years now. Maybe more.

"You always say things happen for a reason," James said, moving to the other side of my hospital bed.

"And I'd like to believe that that is why this happened; that it was her time." He took my left hand in both of his. I could feel the pled of confirmation in his eyes. He wanted me to agree. And basically he knew I would. I tried to muster up a smile,

"Your right James, she's in a better place now. It must've been her time. And at least now shell be able to look down and see how many people love her." I say giving his hands a squeeze.

He smiles and allows the tears to trickle down, with each tear I could see the flame from his eyes escape.

It was killing me to see that. We all stayed like this for what felt like hours but turned out to be only a moment.

James wipped his eyes and said he need to go to work. I didn't object because I knew he just wanted to get away from all of this.

I saw a flash of disapproval in Julian's eyes but it took only a reassuring squeeze of my hand to stop him from saying anything. He only wanted the best for him.

He looked down at me with big shiny brown eyes.

"Amy, its time to wake up. Wake up,Amy." He said. I was confused; Wasn't I already awake?

Then the edge of my view started to blacken. I watched in horror as everything of Julian disappear but his eyes...

"No,No, come back,Come back!" I screamed I could feel my legs moving back and forth.

"Am?, Amy! What's wrong Amy?!" Julian said as he reappeared to me . He straddled my hips, so I'd stay still. He always did this when I woke up screaming like this. Always used to.

I saw something flash in his eyes as he opened his mouth to he had my hands pinned above my head.

I didn't understand it at first. The look in his eyes, the flash. But then he spoke.

"Welcome home, my little slut bunny." I squirmed, but it was too late.

"No!Pitch!Julian!" I screamed as he ripped away my clothes. First my navy blue t-shirt. I tried will all my might to get away as he pull at my jeans.

"No, Please no!" I screamed trying to move in ways that didn't help him.

He laughed as he wiggled them off me.

I was crying, as he smiled evilly at me in nothing but black bra and underwear.

Then he feel aside. I saw him eyes roll then him fall away from me .I quickly grabbed my jeans and pulled them on.

I grabbed what was left off my shirt and ran like a bat out of hell.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: sorry for the long wait but I promise the more review I see the faster j will update them. I hope to see my reviews. Thank you for reading this far!

* * *

I was running. I didn't know where I was going, but when do I ever? I could feel my brain bouncing around inside my head with questions. Why had I dreamt of the night Sarah died? I'd promised myself i would never think of that day again. I didn't need to look back to that day to see Sarah and seeing her like that was no where near worth while...

"Take a left," Sarah murmured in my ear. I shuddered the way I did the very first time.

" what was that?" Sarah asks as she turned me to face the left.

"Just memories," I whisper as Sarah takes control if my feet. I'm moving too slow for her, same old Sarah.

"Holy fucker noddles!" I scream as Sarah appears before me. I reach for the call button and Sarah laughes.

"Don't do that!" Sarah says waving her hand and causing the controller to go flying. I stare at her mouth agape.

"So you're a ghost now?" I asked right as she opened her mouth to speak.

I saw a look of confusion cross her eyes.

She cocked her head to the side for a second and then understanding bloomed in her eyes.

"So that's why you used to talk to yourself so much! You fucking weasel, how could you never have told me you were a MEDIUM!" I shuddered at the sound of the word.

" I dont tell anyone. Except for Julian but what does he know about me?" I laugh as tears slip out of my eyes again.

"I'm your best friend! I've known you SO much longer then that asshole!" I close my eyes and wait until she stops.

" I didn't want to tell even him. He isn't an asshole. Right now your the one being an asshole. I didn't tell anyone because I know there's not many real options to response: there's your reaction," I wave my hand to her annoyed,translusant figure. "Then there's Julian's reaction." I half smile at the memory of his trust of me.

" how did **he **react?" She huffed.

" he believed me, he took one look and me said,'why doesn't this surprise me?'." I laughed, my eyes examining my hands. " I love him, Sarah. And I think he loves me too." I say letting my eyes meet her hazel ones.

I was glad to see the dark sleep deprivation circles gone from her face. It was amazing to see my best friend look like herself again, the way she hadn't in years.

The Sarah I grew up with had 'died', as she used to say, when her cousin died right before our 6th grade year. Sarah lost touch with her strong religious connection and began to drift down the wrong path.

It started out just the wrong people, but they soon introduced her to the wrong stuff and she wasn't about to stop them.

She and I had more fights over just her entertainment habits then we'd ever had on any thing else. The last big fight we had was because of a fight that happened information of us. Sarah had been the first one to through a punch that day but she wasn't the last. No one blamed her besides me, and even I didn't really think she had done wrong. She was defending herself and that I understand but her timing was what bothered me. The fact that she didn't think through her actions and because of that caused one of her friends to punch the other terrified me. I told her I didn't like her hanging out with those people. She declined and said she liked those people. I told her they didn't care, she said no one did, that part of the argument ended there because I didn't want to fight. It wasn't until she asked about after she left that she actually got mad and stopped talking to me. She asked what had happened and I told her the kids dim my school were not happy with the actions of there peer, I told her I hated this place. I felt like no one cared here. The conversation went on a tiny bit longer before ending with her calling the kids from my school losers and saying she cared._' It's me, I care about you, remember?' _By this point my depression was sinking in and I was angered by everything we'd been through that say and I snapped. I told her I didn't remember. I regretted the desicion almost instantly but it was too late.

We didn't talk for something like a month.

I apologized left and right but there was only so much I could do with being in a different part of the state. I would text her and say things just to feel the sensation of talking to her. She wouldn't reply but I'd do it anyway just for my own sanity, which was running thin because of the extra active ghost surrounding me due to all the stress I was under going with the end if the year coming up and her not speaking to me..

The day before she started talking to me again I saw her cousin. I'd never meet her before but I knew instantly who she was. She warned me that Sarah was in a lot of trouble and she needed me because I did care for her. I promised her I would take care of her and then she disapeared.

"I know you do. And I know he does too. Maybe that's were this resentment is coming from, maybe it's because you can be with your knight in shining armour and I can't," she said with a deep sigh.

"Oh,Sarah," I began. I blinked and she was gone. I saw Julian in the doorway, he paused then proceeded to my side.

" is she here?" He whispered seating my orange roses on the table by my bed.

" she was," I sighed and letting my fingers wrapp into his.

" I'm sorry," he said pushing my long black bangs out of my eyes. I smiled and blushed just a little at the feel of his hand. I leaned into his lingering fingers. I could feel a seed of sadness in me grow as the new set of 12 eyes befell on me.

" well shake 'em off we are almost here." Sarah said snapping me from my memories of lost lovers toturing me.

"Where exactly is here?" I asked as the artic freeze hit me. North Pole.

Just as I realized this, Jack landed in fri t of me.

" Thank god you're safe!" Jack said wrapping his arms around me.

I tried not to become completely rigid at his touch but it was hard. Having Jack touch me was like having ice shot into my veins. Even Pitchs touch was perferalble right now.

Oh god, what's happening to me?


	14. Chapter 14

He was massaging circles in my hand. I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears building. I wanted to yank my hand away but I knew I couldn't do that. Not to Jack. He'd saved me from Pitch and he'd loved me to death and back.  
But it still felt wrong.  
Dirty really.  
I inhaled deeply and let the tears slowly drop. Jack was talking so I assumed his back was turned.  
I opened my eyes and regretted it instantly.  
I jumped out of my seat and knocked over the chair in the process. I backed away slowly pulling my hand away from jack in a manner that caught his attention instantly.  
"Amy?" He said looking over at me. I was against the wall parallel to the Wooden table at which he was seated.  
Jack followed my glaze and was surprised to see nothing. But he know better then to think me crazy.  
He moved toward me without looking away from the spot that I had my eyes deep locked on.  
" who is it?"he asked softly in my ear. I could feel my hands shaking. My vision was starting to blur.  
"Everyone," I barely managed to utter before I feel to the ground.  
Before me had been every person to have EVER died.  
And Sarah,Anika,Julian and James were front and center.  
Sarah and Julian Were not newly dead to me. They'd been gone for a while now but Anika and James? I hadn't been of either one if there deaths!  
Yet there they were, all 4 of them beaconing me toward them and premature death.  
I could still feel the weight of my body so I knew I hadn't died.  
I could hear my name being called "Amy! Amy? Amy..." Then it started to change...  
"Mia? Omigod she's waking up!" It was Sarah's voice.  
"Mia, baby? Oh thank god, wake up Mia. Come back to me. Come back to Anabel." The words sounded right but not the voice.  
"Sarah,give her room. Between you and James you'll suffocate her." Right voice wrong words.  
So James was saying what Julian should be saying and vise versa.  
Sarah and Julian are speaking.  
And they are all alive.  
I tried to open my eyes but they refused to open. I tried to move my hand, nothing. Wiggle my toes. Nothing. What was going on? Where was I? What was happening?


	15. Chapter 15

I felt my fingers intertwine with another hand. I didn't even have to  
think about it. I knew it was James.  
I was shocked by the instant knowledge.  
And the electric shock it gave me.  
It felt like the feeling Julian gave me...  
But that would mean I was in love with him.  
Which was impossible because this was my best friends HUSBAND. Not  
her boyfriend but her husband.  
I wasn't in love with him.  
i couldnt be.  
could i?  
this feeling made it seem like it. the shock that lit every nerve  
in my body on fire, the twist that my heart made at the feeling of his  
hand rubbing circles into mine, and his warm breathe brushing up  
against my cheek...  
i felt so at home, i felt like i could just stay like this forever.  
"is she waking up?" and just like that the bliss was gone. how  
could i be falling head over heels for the man that was vowed to stand  
by my best friends side? how could i be so selfish as to try and take  
something else from her? like i hadnt taken enough from her.  
i suddenly recalled the day that i ruined sarahs first wedding.  
i was standing beside her as the priest read the line 'if anyone  
can think of a reason these two should not be wed, speak now or  
forever hold your peace.' Sarah was smiling so wide and all i could  
think was how happy i was that shed finally found someone who made her  
this happy when her fiance, cody opened his mouth.  
" i cant do this," at first no one heard nor understood what was  
happening.  
we all looked at him. all hoping we were misunderstanding the situation.  
but then he looked past Sarah and right at me.  
ohh shit.  
that was the only thing i could think.  
i didnt even have to hear the next thing he said to know but i  
listen anyways just because i was dearly hoping i was wrong.  
"Sarah, i never ever meant to hurt you. you are an amazing  
girl, any guy would be lucky to have you and because of that i cant  
allow myself to put you through an inevitable divorce. Sarah, baby,  
honey, i know that i dont deserve anything from you especially not  
now but i beg of you to try and forgive me. i know that it isnt in the  
cards for anytime soon but maybe one day...?" hes eyes were watching  
Sarah with a wariness that had never been there before.  
Sarahs face was dead. id never seen her so expressionless. i knew  
she was angry, i could feel it rolling off her but no one else did.  
"Who?" she said. her voice was completely monotone.  
his eyes zipped to me. but then quickly away.  
he mustve hoped Sarah wouldnt notice but this is exactly what she  
was anticipating.  
she whirled around and suddenly there was life in her again.  
in her eyes was the darkest fire of hate. id seen this  
many times before, but never this deep and over all profound.  
"Sarah, I-" i began reaching toward her.  
" Dont touch me, you slut!" she yelled, moving as far from me as possible.  
" you too have a good old time without me. as if u havent  
already been." she looked at Cody then at me before she ran out. her  
dress was flying out behind her, the light fabric made her look like  
she was moving on the air. the second her arms throw open the door her  
hair and skin light up. her brown hair shone an almost blonde and her  
skin became a brilliant tan that made her look like a fallen angel.  
i watch her run beyond the visibal horizon. the beautiful  
bride was grown wings and flown away...  
When i finally wrench open my eyes shes the first thing i  
see. I look at her unsure what to say.  
"Mia! Finally." she says hugging me tightly to her. I didnt  
even realize that shed called me by the wrong name. I didnt mind, the  
name seemed better then my own. i hugged her back.  
"Ive missed you my friend." i said in a hoarse voice.  
I kept waiting for this dream, to shatter and everything to  
become the bad dreams that they usually were, but things felt so  
solid.  
I wouldnt mind staying here...  
sarah pulls away and i watch in confusion as Julian and her kiss.  
Confusion not because they are kissing but because i dont  
care. At all. im happy for her. im glad shes happy. Like i am.  
With James.  
And Isabel.  
"Omigod,wheres Anabel!' isay pulling eveyrthing to a  
screeching stop. everyone laughs.  
"Shes at school,babe. But shes been waiting to see you for  
ages!Do you want to get dressed or something before she gets here in,"  
he looks up the clock above me. "about 20 minutes? My sisters bring  
her over as soona s she can." he smiles and i realize that ive been  
mistaken from day one. This was my life. with this order and process.  
And i loved it.  
I nodd at James when he said he was going for my makeup bag. i  
look at the window and see the last thing id expect.  
Jack.  
He was at my window. he blew on it and wrote bye and winked. i  
blinked and he was gone.  
Jack frost had just given me hes blessing.  
What else could a girl ask for?


End file.
